Ocarina of Time, Sorta
by Inuyasha8351
Summary: A simple parody of Ocarina of Time.


Ocarina of Time…Sorta

Chapter 1: The Kokiri

"Navi, Navi the Fairy. Come hither….Navi?...WAKE UP YOU STUPID FAIRY!"

"What do you want 'Great' Deku Tree?" *yawns and rubs eyes*

"Dang it Navi, I told you to go to bed early last night."

"Shut up stupid tree."

"Anyway, I need you to go in to the village and find a boy with no fairy and bring him here."

"You have got to be kidding me! Do you have any idea how many fairies there are? What if I find a boy that looks like he has no fairy but his fairy is just out doing something at the time. Do you know how embarrassed I would be?"

"Just go Navi, you will know him because he looks lazy and is asleep on his bed."

"…You do know its night…"

"So?"

"EVERYONE IS ASLEEP STUPID TREE!"

"Oh, right, I forgot. Go in the morning then."

The next morning Navi went off to find this boy with no fairy, she ended up finding about 20 of them though. But finally, after about 2 hours of annoying music and running into stuff, she found him.

"Hey!"

"Ugh"

"Wow…you are lazy…"

"Ugh"

He rolls over and snores.

"Wake up already."

*groans* "That's it Saria, right there."

"STOP HAVING YOUR PERVERTED DREAM AND WAKE UP!"

*Jumps out of bed in fear and falls face first on the floor*

"Finally, you're awake."

"Who are you?"

"Wait a sec, aren't you supposed to not be able to talk or something?"

"I bought a book that teaches me every language possible."

"They have those?"

"Apparently, how else would I know the fairy language?"

"I guess you're right. Anyway, I'm Navi, your new fairy!"

"A fairy huh? I guess that cool."

"I need you to come with me to go see the Great Deku Tree."

"Fine, let's go."

They went until Milo stopped them.

"None shall pass!"

"Wha-"

"NONE shall pass!"

"…Why not?"

"I move, for no man."

"So you move for women then?"

"No."

"But you just said you move for no MAN, WOMEN aren't MEN."

"Shut up, you're not getting through and that's final."

"…..Fine, but we'll be back."

They were walking around for a bit when they found Saria. She ran over and slapped him right across the face.

"YOU PERVERT! I HEARD YOUR DREAM!"

"What? How?"

"Well, uhh, umm, don't worry about how I know, I just do ok?"

"You were spying on me weren't you?"

"Umm, NO! Why would I do something like that?!"

Link walked away laughing his head off.

"Hey look Navi! A hole in the wall! Let's go in it for no reason!"

They crawl through it only to find a boulder headed straight for them.

"RUN AWAY!"

After running for about one hour, they find a chest.

"These things are always so conveniently placed, aren't they?"

"Yep"

They open it to find a sword.

"Hey Navi, we should 'borrow' this!"

"What do you mean by 'borrow'?"

"I mean take and never return it."

They leave the small area and head over to the local shop for a shield.

"Hey Link, how are you going to buy a shield with no money?"

Link pulls out a mask from nowhere and puts it on.

"Who needs money when you have a sword?"

He walks inside and pulls his sword on the clerk running the booth at the time.

"Give me a shield or give me your pants!"

"Take the shield! I need these pants…"

So they go back to Milo and get ready to kill him, but then he ran away screaming like a little girl so they let him go.

"Great Deku Tree, I've returned with…uhhh…what's your name again?"

"Link"

"Oh, right, I have returned with Link, Great Deku Tree!"

"Good, Link, there is a terrible evil afoot and I need you to stop it."

"Why me?"

"Because all the other kids are either to weak or selfish to. Tell me Link, are you courageous?"

"I don't know."

"Well let's find out then. Enter me and defeat the giant spider that is destroying me. Not that it matters if you defeat it, because I'm going to die anyways…"

"Then what's the point of defeating it?"

"To test if you are courageous enough to continue this quest and to make you feel bad inside."

"What quest?"

"The one your about to start of course!"

"How come I don't have any say in this?"

"Because I said so, that's why!"

"Fine, I'll go defeat it."

Chapter 2: The Deku Tree

"Then enter and prove your worth to the land of Hyrule."

They enter the Great Deku Tree only to find out that he is the most hollow tree in the world!

"Wow, the Great Deku Tree is so hollow."

"That's because he is dying, stupid."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that…"

They start walking forward only to find that they aren't walking at all.

"What the heck! A giant spider web!"

"Just run off of it, you're not stuck..."

"I'm not?"

Link walks off the web.

"Wow! I'm not stuck!"

"Duh, it's not supposed to be sticky, stupid."

"Anyway, let's cut it!"

Link hacks away at the web, but the more he cut, the more bouncy it got.

"Yay! A trampoline!"

Link jumped on it so much that eventually he fell to fast so his sword came out of its sheath, fell before him and cut the web.

"AHHHH!" SPLASH

"Hey look, a white light, am I in heaven?"

"No stupid, that's me."

"Oh, hi Navi, did you die also?"

"NO YOU IDOIT! WE'RE NOT DEAD!"

"We're not?" Finally finds out he is swimming

"Heh heh, lets go Navi."

They walk around for a bit and find a chest.

"Hey look, another chest. Let's grab it!"

"I wonder what's with the strange music and weird glowing yellow light….oh well, lets just take whatever is inside it and go."

As Link dives into the chest he pulls out the slingshot.

"….This is the strangest thing ever. Are things supposed to just fly above you're head when you get them?"

"I don't know, I've never seen this happen to anyone before, you had better grab it before it falls on you."

But it was too late, the slingshot had already been described by the time Navi finished what she was saying, so the slingshot came down and smashed Link on the face.

"OW! Am I bleeding?"

"I don't think so…"

"That's good, I'll be sure to grab those sooner from now on."

They walk around for a bit and find a deku shrub.

"Hmmm, no shields…that sucks, I was going to deflect his nuts back at him.

"Just deflect them back at him you idiot…why did I agree to this?"

"But the sign says-"

"FORGET WHAT THE SIGN SAYS AND JUST DEFLECT THEM BACK AT HIM!"

"Fine, I will."

After about 30 minutes of deflecting seeds, Link finally hit him.

"Yay, I got him!"

"Dang it, you got me. I guess I'll have to tell you the secret now. Hit my brothers in this order, 2...3...1, 23 is number 1…Wow, that's a pretty gay way to help you remember…"

Link gets to these "brothers" and after about 3 hours finally defeats them.

"Dang, how did you know our secret…o well, I guess I have to tell you how to beat the queen. Stun her and when her eye is red, strike. I'm sorry queen.

Link enters the room with the queen and suddenly these strange white words appear in front of her.

"Let's see here…Spider Queen, Ghoma…what a gay name…"

SCREECH!

"Lets see here, I've got deku sticks, deku nuts…hey, I could make a-"

"Don't talk about that in this story!"

"Fine, let's see, I could throw these at her eye…hey, it works, its red now!"

SLICE, CUT, SQUISH, SPLAT, MOO

"What the, where did that 'moo' come from?"

"Oh look, she died…that was easy…"

"Go grab her heart and then go in that blue light over there."

"But I don't want to die yet!"

"It won't kill you Link, it will take you outside."

After they get outside, the Great Deku Tree starts saying some stuff Link doesn't understand."

"Link, now that you have killed the giant spider that lived inside me I can die in peace and give you this."

A green glowing orb falls from the Great Deku Tree and hits Link right in the face.

"Why is it always the face?! Oh well, let's go Navi, the tree is dead so now we can finally get out of this stupid forest."

They start going back when Milo stops them.

"WHAT! YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE! HOW DARE YOU!"

"Umm, actually he kind of was dying already, we just sort of sped it up I guess."

"Dang you!"

Milo leaves crying like a baby so Link just continues on till he gets to the bridge leading out of the forest.

"Link…"

"Who's there?!"

"It's me, Saria. I wanted to give you this before you left."

"What is it?"

"It's an ocarina; it will do many things for you I think, good bye Link."

Link starts walking backwards with a strange look on his face until he finally runs out of the forest.

Chapter 3: The New World

"Wow, this place is huge!"

"Duh, fields are normally big you know…."

"Hmm, Hyrule Field eh?"

"How did you know that?"

"Because of the big white words when I entered."

"Hey look, an owl statue on top of this tree."

"Yeah, and it says something here at the bottom…'This owl, Kaepora Gaebora, has defied Lord Ganondorf. His punishment is death. Let this be a lesson to everyone else. LONG LIVE LORD GANONDORF.' …Kind of sounds like the White Witch from Narnia."

"Oh well, let's keep going."

"They keep walking down Hyrule Field, in fact, they were walking for so long that it turned night.

"Wow, look Navi, a walking skeleton!"

"KILL IT YOU STUPID FOOL!"

*shatter, cut, meow, ruff, moo, oink*

"They must be animal bones…HAHA, TAKE THAT, DID YOU SEE THAT NAVI? I CUT ITS HEAD OFF!"

"LOOK OUT!"

"Huh?" Suddenly, the skeleton with no head grabs Link and starts shaking furiously. Just when Link thought he was a goner, it started raining, and all of them died for some reason.

"…WTF, why did the rain kill them?"

"I don't know, but let's keep going towards Hyrule Castle."

After a long walk, they finally get to Hyrule Market.

"Don't you just love this background music Navi?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Anyway, let's go see Princess Zelda."

After they get through the guards and finally get to Zelda, they decide to look around for a bit first.

*shoot* "Take that window!"

"HEY, STOP MESSING AROUND!" throws bomb

"Look Navi, they gave us a present!" picks up and shakes "I wonder what it is?" BOOOOOM

*cough cough* "Let's just go talk to Zelda." *Cough*

"Who are you?"

"……"

"Link? I knew it! I knew you would come! I saw you in a vision a couple of weeks ago."

"Wait a second, how did you figure out my name when I didn't even say anything?"

"That's not important, what is important though, is that we stop this great and terrible evil on the land…what are you doing?"

"Waving hi to that nice looking man over there."

"YOU IDIOT! THAT'S GANONDORF, HE IS BASICALLY PURE EVIL!"

"Oh, ok, why didn't you just say so?"

"This is a waste of time, just go to Death Mountain and Zora's Domain. Get both crystals from them. The fire crystal is on Death Mountain and the water crystal is in Zora's Domain. Now go see Impa, she will help you out of the castle."

"Hello Link, in Zelda's dream, I am ordered to teach you a very important song for your ocarina."

Impa teaches Link Zelda's Lullaby, and finally after 2 hours, Link gets it right. Suddenly, Link's ocarina starts to sparkle as if it has feelings or something for the song.

"Look over there, Link. That is Kakariko village. You will find a path to Death Mountain there. We might meet again."

"Wait, how did we even get out here? Impa? Dang, she left. O well, let's keep going."

They get to Kakariko village and see chickens running around everywhere.

"CHICKENS!"

Link starts chasing them around until; somehow, they all get into a pen.

"Thank you for getting my chickens back for me."

"What? We didn't get them back, I was just chasing them around."

"Nevertheless, you got them back. Here, take this."

Suddenly, a bottle starts floating above Link's head.

"NO, NOT AGAIN!"

CRASH!

"Ow, this is going to be one painful adventure. And why would you give me a bottle? There are thousands of them everywhere."

"Not really. All of the bottles have been broken, well, all but four that is 'One where life flourishes, one with a lazy bum, one with the creatures of water, and one with the spirit master.' Or so the legend goes."

"Oh, in that case, thanks."

"Come on Link; let's get back on the way to Death Mountain."

Chapter 4: Death Mountain

As they approach the gate to enter, a guard stops them.

"YOU CANNOT PASS!"

The guard smashes his staff in the ground and moves the dirt at his feet about one inch.

"…Well that was a waste of time."

"I'll say…wait a second, I've heard that voice before. Is that Milo?"

"Who? I don't know any 'Milo'."

"It is Milo! What are you doing here, and aren't you to young to be a guard for the castle?"

"Please don't tell anyone, I need the money to support my family! I know, if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll let you go to Death Mountain whenever you want."

"Sure, works for me."

After a long trek up Death Mountain, they finally get to the Gorons Cave.

"Look at all the fat guys."

"They aren't fat Link, they are Gorons."

"Well then what do you call the huge one rolling straight for us then? HOLY CRAP, IT'S ROLLING RIGHT AT US! RUN AWAY!"

After a long time of running, they finally get a way from the goron.

"Whew, that was close."

"I'll say, at any rate, let's keep looking for the Fire crystal."

"Ok, I wonder if it's in here behind these rocks with the cool music."

"Maybe, let's check it out."

They blow up the rocks with the bombs that were next to them and enter The Lost Woods.

"Hey Navi?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we're lost."

"Why would you say that? We only just got in here 10 seconds ago."

"Because it's called 'The LOST Woods'. Not the 'Follow the path woods', or the 'Here is the way to go woods'."

"You're right, let's try following the music and see if that helps us."

After about 3 days of wandering in the forest, they finally get through.

"…So…hungry…must…eat…something…that deku shrub looks good." *drools and licks lips* "Let's eat it."

"Hurry and kill it so we can cook it."

*Slice* "Finally, food, glorious food!" *roast*

"Wow, I never know roasted deku shrub was this good!"

"I'll say, this is delicious!"

After they eat, they head to the end of The Lost Woods, and they find Saria sitting on a stump, laying her ocarina.

"Hi Saria."

"Hey Link, have you come to play music with me?"

"Sure, why not?"

"In that case, I'll teach you this song."

Saria teaches Link Saria's Song.

"When ever you want to talk to me, play this song and we will be connected with our minds."

"Cool, thanks Saria."

Link plays the song while standing right in front of her.

"_Umm, Link? I'm sitting right next to you. We don't need to talk with our minds if you're right next to me…"_

"_Oh, right, heh heh."_

"Link, what was the point of that?"

"I don't know, just to see if it works I guess. Anyway, we had better get going back to Death Mountain now. Bye Saria."

"Bye Link."

They head back to Death Mountain, only to find that same goron rolling right for them again, so after about 30 minuets of running, they get to the bottom of the cave and find a door that won't seem to open.

"This is strange, doors are supposed to open if I hit 'A'. But this one isn't opening…"

"Well, the mat you're standing on says that it will only open for a member of the royal family."

"Well Zelda is royalty, so her song might be also."

Link plays Zelda's Lullaby and the door opens up.

"It worked!"

They walk in only to find another goron, but this one looks more civilized in a way.

"I am Darunia, king of the gorons. What have you come here for?"

"We came to get the Fire crystal from here."

"Well you can't have it."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so, and I'm starving, ever since that Ganondorf blocked the entrance to our food supply, and put monsters in it, we haven't been able to eat."

"Well we could try to stop them if you want."

"No, I'm in a bad mood so I'm not going to grant any favors to anyone right now."

"Hmm, how can we cheer him up…I know, Saria's Song is cheerful, let's try playing it for him."

Link plays Saria's Song, and Darunia starts dancing around crazily.

"YA, OH YA, WHAT A BEAT! THAT IS A HOT BEAT! HOT, HOT, HOT!"

"Maybe we should tell him he is standing in fire…"

"Na, let's just leave him there."

After he is done dancing around, he grants Link the right to enter Dodongo's Cavern.

"You can go there, but you'll have to find a way into it first."

"Ok, thx. We will get your food back for you, just you wait. By the way, what do gorons even eat?"

"Rocks."

"Then why don't you just go outside and eat some of them then?"

"Because the rocks in Dodongo's Cavern are better. They have better texture and taste."

"Whatever, as long as we can get the Fire crystal later."

"Of course, if you free our food, you can have anything you want. Also, take this, it will give you the strength to pick up bomb flowers."

A bracelet starts floating above Link's head and after it is described, smashes into his face. Link goes outside and examines around the blocked cave. He finds a bomb flower on top of a cliff just above it and gets a crazy idea.

"WHEEEE!"

After Link is done jumping off the cliff, he throws the bomb flower right next to the blocked cave. As it explodes, it blows up the rocks blocking the cave.

"Yay, now we can enter Dodongo's Cavern."

Once inside, they find there is lava everywhere.

Chapter 5: Dodongo's Cavern

"Oh my god, it's really hot in here."

"Well duh, there it IS a volcano after all."

"Oh yeah…I forgot…"

"Anyways, let's get going."

They start to go deeper into the cave, but they don't get far until something attacks them.

"AHH! It's a laser shooting eye!!"

Link runs around it for a while until he finally runs off the platform he was on, right into some lava.

"IT BURNS!!! AHH!!"

After running around in circles in lava for a minute and getting major burns, he finds safe ground and braces himself for the eye again.

"Alright, time to show this guy who's boss."

Link charges it and hits it with his sword, only to have it bounce off the metal post it's on top of.

"Well, time for 'Plan B', RUN!!"

He runs away from it and into a different area with a pillar, and a bunch of bombs around it.

"I wonder…"

"DON'T DO IT LINK!!"

Link picks up a lone bomb flower and places it right next to the others.

"Let the explosions begin!!!"

They all blow up in succession, sending off bits of ground and rock everywhere.

"HAHAHA!!!"

The pillar that the bombs were around gets blown up and falls to the ground.

"Heh, look Navi, it all paid off, now we can go up farther into the cavern…Navi?"

*covered up in a corner* "Bombs…rock…crushed…"

Link picks up the piece of rock that smashed Navi in the corner of the room and they continue on.

"Look over there Navi, it's a giant lizard carrying a sword…and he looks like he is headed straight for us."

"Oh crap! Link, get ready to fight!"

Link takes out his sword and throws it at the lizard, striking it right in the face.

"Wow Link…that's just…brutal…"

"Well, that was easy."

Link walks over to his sword and takes it from the lizard.

"Well? Shall we continue?"

They go for a bit, killing off dodongos and throwing rocks at random things.

"Look Link, a big chest!"

"Oh crap…not one of those again…every time I open one of those, I get something falling on my face."

They go to the chest and open it, to find out that the bomb bag is inside.

"CRAP, WHY BOMBS?!"

They float over his head and it explains them, and when it finally finishes, the bomb bag falls right into Link's face and explodes.

"My eyebrows!!"

Navi looks at Link and finds out that his face is now completely black.

"HAHA!!"

"Shut up Navi…"

They continue for a bit and come up to a bridge, below it they see a giant dodongo head.

"I'm gonna drop a bomb in each of its eyes to show how much I hate these things."

Link does so, and when he does, its eyes start to glow deep red and its mouth opens.

"Let's go inside Navi!"

"Why do I even try…?"

They enter the mouth and find a hole inside.

"Want to jump down?"

"It's your choice; it looks like you'd fall right into a pit of lava."

"Oh well, we have to go anyways, so we might as well."

They jump down and land on safe ground.

"Wait…what? How did we land on safe ground? Wasn't there lava?"

They look up and see the hole they jumped through right above the lava.

"That's kind of creepy…"

Suddenly a giant beast pops out of the lava.

"King Dodongo this time eh? Well, bring it on you beast!"

"Link, I found his weak spot, it's his belly. Try to throw a bomb in his mouth when he opens it to breathe fire at you."

"Alright, like this?"

Link throws a bomb in his mouth and listens to it blow up in his stomach.

"Yeah…he is definitely dead now."

He starts to roll around the room, crashing into walls all over the place and finally rolls right into the lava and burns up.

"Wait…didn't he come out of that? Why is it burning him now?"

"Who knows, maybe his stomach was his shield to heat?"

He burns up and the lava disappears with him.

"Grab the heart and let's get out of here."

Link grabs the heart, and when it falls on his face, it cures the burns he got earlier.

"Wow, hearts DO heal you fully!"

"Duh? It only says that when you grab it. Come on Link; let's go back to the gorons."

They step in the blue light and teleport outside the cavern.

"You did it Link!"

Darunia charges Link and hugs him tight, almost tearing him in half.

"Need…Air…"

"In honor of you destroying the dodongos inside, I would like for you to take this."

A red stone descended from the sky, right onto links face.

"Is this always going to happen to me? Oh well, at least I have the stone now."

"Come Link, let's all have a big goron bear hug!"

The gorons start to walk towards him in a zombie like fashion.

"Run Navi!!"

They run down the mountain back to Kakariko Village.

Chapter 6: Exploring the Water

"That was some mountain, eh Navi?"

"I'll say, I hope we never have to go there again."

"I don't know…something tells me we'll be going there again someday…"

"Oh well, lets not worry about it right now. Where do we have to go next?"

"I think we need the water one, but who would have it?"

"I'll bet the Zoras have it."

"The whats?"

"Zoras, they are a water species, something like half human, half fish…it's kind of strange actually. They reside just north of this village."

"Well let's get going then!"

They travel up to the Zora path and after a lot of falling in the river and riding all the way back to the beginning, they finally get to the top.

"Well that took forever, about 3 days if I'm right."

"Shut up Link, let's just go inside."

"But there isn't an entrance anywhere…"

"Look what you're standing on Link; it's the symbol of the royal family, try playing Zelda's song here."

"Alright, how did that song go again?"

"Check the pause menu if you can't remember it."

"Pause menu? What's that?"

"You know, just press start and move over to where it shows the songs."

"Are you going crazy or something?"

"Never mind…here, it goes like this."

After Navi shows link how it goes, they finally get inside and hear the most amazing song ever.

"Listen to that heavenly music Navi, it's almost mesmerizing…"

"Look out Link!"

Link walks off the cliff he was on and crashes down into the water below."

"You moron!!"

"I guess that's what happens when I listen to amazing music, I should be more careful about that."

Link climbs a ladder so perfectly placed back up the cliff and starts to walk down the path with Navi.

"I am the great and noble King Zora."

"_More like the great and fat king._"

"Link, that's just rude."

"What is it that you wish of me?"

"We want the water stone that you guard."

"You must be talking about that stone my daughter has. But alas, I cannot give it to you because she recently went missing and no one knows where she is. My poor daughter, where are you Ruto?!"

"Let's go Link, before we're pulled into this."

They start to slowly walk away, but they are stopped by the King Zora.

"Wait! Perhaps you can find my daughter! If you can, I'm sure she would give you the magic stone you seek. Would you do this for me?"

"Dang…this is what I hoped didn't happen. We will do our best great King Zora."

"Oh thank you noble warrior and fairy thing!"

"…Fairy thing?"

"Forget it Navi, let's just go look for her, we have nothing else to do anyways, and this music is still getting to me."

"Alright, let's try the most conspicuous place first, Lake Hylia."

"Ok, how do we get there?"

"Did you see that little hole underwater where you fell in earlier? Just swim through that and it will take us right to it."

"What if I drown?"

"Don't worry, you won't."

"Whatever you say."

They go in the hole and somehow appear right at Lake Hylia.

"Why is the lake connected to that, but so far away?"

"The world will never know."

"Oh well, let's look around a bit anyways."

They look around for a while and find something shiny in the water.

"Look Navi, something is shining in the water down there. You think I should get it?"

"Go for it, I wonder if you can dive that far…"

Link dives for it and barely makes it.

"It's a letter in a bottle!"

"Well what are you waiting for? Open it!"

Link opens the bottle and notices that it's from Ruto.

"Looks like she is trapped inside of some Lord Jabu Jabu."

"Alright, let's go tell King Zora and see if he knows anything about it."

They head back to King Zora and find out that Lord Jabu Jabu is a giant fish.

"She is inside Lord Jabu Jabu?! But he never eats us Zoras…either way, do you think you two could go save her for me? I'm to fat to go myself, otherwise I would."

"Fine, we'll go save your daughter for you."

"You will need a fish to get inside, here is one for you."

"Yay…a fish…"

"Let's go Link."

They head around to Lord Jabu Jabu and place the fish in front of him.

"Ahh! He is sucking us up!"

"Well what did you expect? How else are we going to get inside him?"

Chapter 7: Inside Lord Jabu Jabu

"Eww…it's all…fish like inside here."

"Duh? Of course it's fish like you moron, we're inside a giant fish!"

"Oh yeah…I forgot…"

"Anyways, let's get looking for Ruto."

"Haha! Look Navi, his blood is blue!!" *slice, slice, slice*

"Stop that Link!! You'll hurt him!"

"No I wont, he's a dungeon, he can't get hurt."

"Oh yeah…whatever, let's keep going."

They go forward for a bit and come to a locked door with no switch.

"Well this is strange…no switch…what do we do now?"

"The only thing we haven't touched is that cow in the ceiling."

"Wait…why is there a cow in the ceiling?"

"Maybe it's mixed in with Master Quest?"

"Most likely, it's probably just a glitch in life."

"Well, might as well hit it."

They hit the cow and the door opens.

"Wow, that's just weird."

"Yeah, oh well, at least it worked, so let's keep going."

They start walking again, but after just a few steps, they fall into a hole.

"Ahh!! Wait…who are you?"

"I am Princess Ruto, and what are you doing inside Lord Jabu Jabu?"

"Looking for you, your dad misses you."

"Does he now? Well to bad, I'm staying here until I find my mothers heirloom. The Spiritual Stone of Water."

"That's what we need!"

"Well you can't have it! It's mine!"

"Well this sucks…"

"If you must come get it, you can carry me until I find it, then you have to do something special in order to get it from me."

"Wow…I feel so honored…"

"If you don't want it, that's fine, I'll just look for it myself."

"Wait! I'll carry you…"

"Very good then. Well, hurry up, let's get going."

She sits down and waits for link to pick her up.

"Well?"

"Fine…"

Link picks her up and notices that she isn't wearing clothes.

"Heheh…" *looks up* "God Bless Hyrule"

"What was that?"

"Uhh, nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Whatever, let's just go."

They go for a bit and come up to a room with moving floors, and three directions, but only one free.

"Well, we might as well go this way."

They go that way and find a bunch of jelly fish floating around in the room.

"Why are the jelly fish floating?"

"Because this is fantasy, and that's what happens when you mix fantasy and alcohol."

"Ohh, it makes so much more sense now!"

"Just kill them Link."

Link kills them, getting electrocuted many, many times.

"Are you ok Link?"

"Yeah…I'm ok…" *sizzles*

"Sure…Just get the chest that appeared."

Link opens the chest and finds the boomerang.

"Ha! This one can't do anything but hit me on the head! Nothing brutal like before finally!"

The boomerang is explained and falls on Link so hard, that it pins him to the ground by his neck.

"I stand corrected…"

Link struggles the boomerang off his neck and puts it away.

"Let's just get out of here as soon as we can."

They go on to the newly opened room and find a big thing hanging from the ceiling.

"It's a snake!!"

"No it's not, Link, it's a dangly thing hanging down from whatever part of his body this is."

"Oh…I wanna hit it!!"

Link throws the boomerang at it and hits the dangly thing. Surprisingly, it came back to him.

"Wow Link, I'm impressed."

"By what? It came back on it's own, all I did was throw it."

"Oh…never mind then."

The dangly thing dies and opens the next room.

"Well, le'ts go."

They carry Ruto to the next room and find the stone.

"There it is! Throw me up there!"

They throw her up to the stone and she is carried up by the platform. They hear a scream and see a giant Octorok come down instead.

"Oh crap, we have to fight this thing, don't we…"

"Oh well, just kill it, it's not like it's any different from a normal one, just bigger, that's all."

"Alright, let's go you octorok!"

*slice*

"What the…it just bounced off…"

"Try your new boomerang on its back."

"Why?"

"Just because? I don't know, but you always seem to need the item you got in the dungeon to kill the boss, so that's my guess."

"Alright, let's get a good line up here…" Link is hit from the back by a charging octorok

"Ok, fine, I'll just use cheap strategy and have you hit me, and get up behind you and hit you with my boomerang."

Link does just that and kills the octorok the cheap way.

"Well, that just proved that cheap strategies actually work sometimes."

"Right, well let's go."

They go forward and eventually get back to the top of Lord Jabu Jabu somehow.

"Well, this is familiar, if I remember right; we fell down right…here."

Link steps on the spot where he fell and falls down again.

"Good going Link, now we have to travel all the way back up AGAIN!"

"Stop complaining Navi, you're the one who didn't stop me."

After getting back up, Link does it a second time. Navi slaps him in the face.

"YOU MORON!! Why did you do it AGAIN?!?"

"Because you didn't stop me again. You should learn from my mistakes."

"Just get back up there; I'll stop you next time."

They get back up and Navi warns him just in time.

"Alright, you win, we'll continue on the correct path."

They continue on the path and finally find Ruto trapped by some monster.

"Hmm…what is it this time? Barinade, what a weird name…"

"Just hurry up and kill it Link!"

"Alright, let me find its weakness first."

Link finds its weakness and starts to fight it, throwing his boomerang at its tentacles until it falls to the ground.

*slice, cut, stab* "DIE!!"

The monster dies and melts away. They find Ruto in the remains. They grab the heart and Ruto steps in the blue circle.

"You know Link…You actually get pretty serious when it comes to fighting boss monsters."

"Yeah, I've had practice in previous games."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm glad you know what you're doing."

"Whatever, let's just go get the stone from Ruto."

They step in the circle and appear in the water outside Jabu Jabu. Ruto swims up to them with a weird look on her face.

"You know Link…You were really cool back then. Will you marry me?"

"WHAT?!"

"The only way I'll give you the stone, is if you promise to marry me."

"Dang…fine, I'll marry you."

"Really?! Well prove it. Kiss me."

"Uhh…ok, close your eyes."

She closes her eyes and Link finds a fish and has her kiss the fish.

"It's as good as I imagined."

"Right…anyways, can I get the stone now?"

"Sure, here you go. Take good care of it."

"Don't worry, I will."

"Come on Link; let's go to the Temple of Time now."

"Alright, we better get going right away."

They start heading to Hyrule Town.

Chapter 8: The Change in Time

They get out of Zora's Domain and start heading towards the Temple of Time. Right outside the city walls they see Zelda and Impa riding away quickly on a horse. Zelda notices him and throws something in the water behind him while riding away. After they disappear into the darkness, a shadowy figure came riding out of town on a horse.

"You, boy, did you see a horse just run by here?"

"…"

"So…you see to protect them? We will see about that!!"

He shoots a magic ball at Link and barely misses.

_Run away! Run away! Run away, run away, run away!!_ (If you know what this song is from, congratulations XD)

After a while of running, they finally start to head back.

"Wow Link, after that 'amazing' song of yours, and running all the way to Lake Hylia, I think I can finally say I hate you."

"I can accept that, Navi."

"Alright Link, let's head into the Temple of Time and get the Blade of Evil's Bane."

"Wow, does it have to have a name that makes it seem different? It's just a sword…"

"Actually Link, this is the only sword in existence that can banish evil."

"Well what have I been doing with this little knife thing then? Have I not killed a lot of evil?"

"No, those were just monsters, evil is completely different."

"Right…well, whatever. Let's just get it and continue on."

They head into the Temple of Time and place the stones on the altar.

"Why isn't anything happening?"

"I don't know…what's missing?"

Just then, an image of Zelda appeared and started talking to them.

"Link, you need the Song of Time if you want to get inside."

"Well what is it?"

She played the song for them, and after an hour of trying, Link finally got it right. The door opened and there stood the Master Sword.

"Let's go get it, Navi!"

Link runs over to it and pulls up the sword. Just then, a blue light flashed and he found himself inside a strange area.

"Link, welcome to the Chamber of the Sages. You will hopefully see this place at least 5 more times."

"Hopefully?"

"Yeah, we uhh…chose you at random to be the hero…sorry about that. Anyways, my name is…actually, it's been so long, I don't remember my own name. You can call me Frank."

"Ok, Frank, so what are you doing here anyways?"

"I'm here to protect the evil from the Temple of Time, and also to give you my strength in the shape of this coin."

"I might get weaker from getting it…"

"Just take it!"

Suddenly a yellow coin with the Temple of Time's signia on it came down and landed in Link's hands.

"Sweet, it's not gonna land on me this time!!"

Just then, Link appeared inside the Temple of Time where the Master Sword used to be.

"Who's there?!"

Link pulls out his sword and turns to see a shadowy figure standing at the entrance to the room.

"Lay down your weapon, I'm a friend."

The figure comes from the shadows to reveal themselves.

"My name is Shiek, I'm the last of the Shieka Clan. I know who you are, and what your quest is."

"Then where should I head to next?"

"Go to the forest where you grew up. I think you'll find it quite unpleasing in it's current state, and you might even see an old friend or two."

"Alright, I'll head there then right away…I hate being an adult…Wait a second, did I have an earring and belly ring before?"

"Uhh…Never mind about that, just head to the forest."

They start to head out when they are suddenly stopped again by Shiek.

"I almost forgot. You might want to head to the graveyard first. You'll find something you need there."

Chapter 9: The New Land

"That Shiek guy was weird, don't you think?"

"Are you sure that was a guy? I thought it was a girl…"

"Oh well, either way, we know where to go now."

They head outside the Temple of Time and find out that a lot has changed in seven years.

"Look Navi, it's a zombie!!"

Link runs up to it to give it a hug, when it suddenly latches itself around him and starts to suck the life out of him.

"Get it off me!!!!"

After a few seconds of struggling, link pushes it away and slices it in half.

"Let's get out of here Navi!!"

They run out of town as fast as they can to Hyrule Field.

"Didn't that Shiek person say something about the graveyard? We should probably head over there and see what we can find."

"Alright then, let's go, Navi."

They head over to Kakariko village and find that it hasn't changed much in seven years.

"I think the graveyard was over this way."

They walk over to the graveyard and find nothing of use there.

"What about that old guy's house? Maybe there is something inside there that will help."

"Good thinking Navi, let's go check."

They go inside and find a letter on a table.

"_To whom it may concern: I found a treasure a few weeks ago! It's so cool, it extends and grabs things, and then either pulls it to you, or pulls you to it!! I am taking it to my grave with me. If anyone would like this treasure, they can find me in my tomb and challenge me for it."_

"Well, that sounds like something we could use. Let's go find the old guy's tomb."

After pulling up almost every headstone, they finally find his tomb, and him waiting inside.

"Welcome to my tomb!"

"Hey there, we hear that you found a cool item that grabs things. We would like it please."

"Oh, you want my treasure? You'll have to race me for it! If you can keep up with me through this entire maze, I will give it to you. If not though, you will be stuck forever."

"I think we can do it. Let's go."

They start the race, and Link falls very far behind, but somehow finds a shortcut that takes him right to the end, and lets him win."

"I don't know how you did that, but here you go!"

An item falls from the ceiling and right into Link's face.

"It's in my eye!!! And it's very sharp!! Get it out! Get it out!"

After running in circles for a while, he finally gets it out and find out that he just won the Hookshot.

"We did it, Navi! We won!"

"Let's hurry out of here, this place gives me the creeps."

"Come back anytime if you want to race again."

"Sure, we might do that…_not!!_"

As he waves goodbye, Link and Navi take the passageway out of there, only to find themselves on top of the windmill.

"At least there is some catchy music playing, right?"

"It kind of sounds familiar though…"

They jump down and see a funny looking guy playing the music.

"That dang kid…he ruined this windmill so long ago…I'll never forget that song he played that day…"

He looks up and sees Link playing the same song he is.

"That's the one! I hate that song with all my soul!! It ruined my windmill seven years ago!"

"Sweet, a new song! Maybe I can use it somewhere."

Completely ignoring the guy, they leave.

"Come on Link, let's head over to Kokiri Village now so we can get to the Forest Temple."

They start walking to the Forest, but end up in Lon Lon Ranch for some reason.

"Oh, well, since we're here for some reason, let's check up on Epona."

"Who is Epona?"

"You know, that horse we were supposed to get seven years ago but totally left out of the story because the writer felt it wasn't important enough even though Epona is freaking amazing in every way possible."

"Oh yeah! I remember now! That jerk writer…I can't believe he would just leave Epona out like that."

"At any rate, let's go check on her."

They walk to the gated area and find that a new owner has taken the place because he had sources."

"Where did the old owner go?"

"I shoved him in the baseme-- I mean uhh…He is away right now and I'm watching over for him. He will be gone for about twenty years I believe. He is visiting some Mushroom Kingdom or some other."

"Oh, well how are the horses doing?"

"They are doing just fine; you wanna ride one for ten rupees?"

"Sure, let's go Navi."

They get in the gate and play Epona's song. Afterwords, Epona runs up to them. They ride her around for a bit and then challenge the guy to a race around the track."

"If you win, you get 50 rupees, if I win, I keep the money."

They race and Link kicks butt.

"Aug! That was the horse I was going to present to Lord Ganondorf! Let's race again, if you win…you can keep the horse!!"

They race again and Link still kicks butt.

"NOOO!!! Fine, you can have the horse, but you can NEVER leave this ranch!!"

He closes the pathetic use of a gate in front of them, somehow stopping them.

"Come on Epona, let's go jump that fence that's about three times this height. I know you can do it!"

He runs Epona over to it, and she leaps over the fence with style, giving out a neigh of joy after she lands.

"Well, let's go over to the Forest now, Epona."

They run over there and find that the forest has changed a lot in seven years."

Chapter 10: The Forest Temple

"I think the thing that's changed the most is that there isn't any catchy music anymore."

"I loved that music, even if it did drive you crazy after a while."

"Anyways, let's get going to the Forest Temple!"

They start walking through the forest and get lost many times because they have no music to follow this time. They finally come across a little boy in the middle of the forest blocking their path.

"Excuse us, would you please let us by?"

"Only those who are friends of Saria may get by."

"Hey Link, you should randomly play her song."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm in charge and I said so. Besides…it's catchy…"

"Whatever." *link plays Saria's Song*

"What? You know that song? Saria only taught her friends that song…you must be a friend of hers, you may pass. You know, you kind of remind me of that boy seven years ago…"

They thank the boy and continue on through the forest, only to find that instead of deku shrubs, there are giants guarding the forest.

"They evolved!! And in such a strange way too…"

*smack* "No you idiot, they kicked the shrubs out so they could live here instead."

"Oh, well that would explain it I guess."

Link pulls out his Hookshot and shoots one of them in the stomach. The instant it hits it, it keels over and dies.

"Well that was effective."

They go through the forest singing a happy tune (Jingle Bells) as they shoot giants in the gut one by one.

They reach the last giant and find that his Hookshot doesn't kill it.

"Oh dang…what now?"

"I guess just try to run up to it and slice it or something."

They start to run at it, and the instant they move, the giant smashes a club on the ground, making a wave of earth push them back into a wall.

"Well, what now?"

"I know, jump over it."

"Navi, you know that's impossible in this world, jumping hasn't been invented unless there is a ledge in the way first."

"Oh yeah…"

"Just run side to side then and hope you dodge it."

Link does so and stands behind the giant.

"Well, he's either an idiot, or he really can't turn around."

Link cuts him down and walks into the open area ahead.

"Well how are we supposed to get inside?"

"You could always try your Hookshot on that tree branch up there."

Link shoots the branch with his Hookshot and it brings him up to the ledge above.

"Great thinking Navi, now we can get inside."

"Well this place doesn't look to bad, at least there is a few trees here."

"Yeah, but it's all dark and gloomy. And the music doesn't much seem happy either."

"There's music here?"

"Ah, nevermind."

"Let's see what's farther in, it shouldn't be to hard getting through this place."

They head up to the door when suddenly two wolves appear from the ground in front of them.

"I didn't know wolves buried themselves in the ground, did you Navi?"

"I didn't know, it's a first for me too."

"Oh well, might as well fight them."

Link pulls out his sword and slices at them.

*block*

"What? How do you block a sword with your hands? Is that even possible?"

Link slices again, this time getting their gut.

"There we go, at least their stomachs aren't made of steel."

They get inside and see the way down right in front of them.

"I told you, Navi, this was easy."

Suddenly four poe ghosts appear take the fire away from the torches that were lighting the area. They walk towards the pillar and it lowers right before they get to it.

"Well this sucks, ten bucks says it was the fire keeping it here."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because this world is just to obvious sometimes."

"We should go look for those ghosts, then, they should be around here somewhere."


End file.
